So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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