That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
