you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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