First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
