Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
