Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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