im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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