Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
