my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
