Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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