Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
