Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
