Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
