people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
