I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
