Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
