Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
