my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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