Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
