I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
