Need sex. Gaining weight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
