Betty ford says i'm here all night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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