Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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