I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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