How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
