so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it glows. i had to have it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
