Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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