I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize