my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize