dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
