so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
