I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
