Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
