So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
