If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize