I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
