in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
