and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
