my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize