I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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