He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wish there were birth control emojis
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
