You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize