shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
