How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
