Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
