dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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