Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
