i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
