my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
