I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
