see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
