Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
