I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
