Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
