she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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