guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
