I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
