A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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