where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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