Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
