since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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