I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
