Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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