Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
