I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
