Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
