if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im holly from the hills drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
