Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
