I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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