Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish I could teleport
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
