i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
