Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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