I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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