it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
