I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
