i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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