Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
