Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
