atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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