I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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