HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize