Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
