i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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