tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
