Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
