Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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