My brain says no but my pants say off.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
