Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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