The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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