mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
