it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
